I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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