Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
