I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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