Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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