vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
