it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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