Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
