He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
