i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
