It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
