i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
either way he was missing a nipple.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
