told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
