finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
