i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
