And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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