Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
