dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
