If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
