That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
