I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
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He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
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He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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