You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Where is the hickey?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
