phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
