She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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