my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i've created a new STD.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
