He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
