I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
