Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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