good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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