I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
