so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
