Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hello my rib-scented angel!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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