I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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