dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
