respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
