Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Sext me about skeletons
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
