Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
