sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
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He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
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I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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