READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
