btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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