Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize