Non-Jews are for practice
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
