Got a toothbrush?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it because I queefed?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize