I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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