this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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