I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
