he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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