okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
