So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
