Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You took a bar mat shot.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
