awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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