something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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