im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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