mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
