you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
