she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
