i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
