I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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