I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
