he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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