im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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