my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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