he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
