i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
