On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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