Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
