i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
