i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
As shirtless as possible
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
