So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This is classic penis vs brain.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
